I've fallen and I can't get up.

No really.  My clumsy ass has now fallen a total of 3 times.  I told you about the first time.  Well here is how the second and third time happened....

So Jon went pheasant hunting in South Dakota this weekend.  All I had to do was NOT go in to labor, but no one said anything about falling.  Saturday I did my cousins makeup for homecoming (I also got her a dress and accompanied her to drybar for a total glam ponytail...see pics...

Anyway, since Jon was out of town, my parents babysat me all weekend just in case anything happened.  I was walking out front at my parents house to see Abby all dressed up and Ruby (Sherry's hellion Yorkie dog) ran out!  I reached down to grab her (instinctively) and got into a quick stepping hunched down position, lost my footing (due to the extra weight in my front) and splat.  I fell flat on the ground.  All I remember is rolling over on my back and closing my eyes and saying in my head "are you effing kidding me" (but I didn't say effing).  My mother decided to reunite with the blood curdling, the Japs are bombing us and we are all going to die scream.  Since I was rolled over on my back with my eyes closed she went in to instant panic mode and thought that I passed out.  She claims that is why she changed the octave of her scream to more of a screeching squeal.  It was nothing less than stressful.  I sat up and said "take me to the hospital".  My hands, knee, elbow and shoulder were all scratched and bleeding (and I tore a hole in my new leggings).  My dad drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital, where we all 3 spent the remainder of the evening (til 10pm) while I was being observed.  It was awful and I am a total idiot. 

Ok, so Jon got back on Monday morning and basically went straight to work.  He had some catching up to do so wasn't going to be home until after 10.  I literally spent every second on the couch to avoid any further damage.  I think I cracked a rib on my fall and still can't bend my knee or lift my arm all the way.  At about 6 I got up to make a water and pee (two birds, one stone).  On my way from the kitchen to the bathroom, I tripped over Kelley (she is the exact same color as the wood floor), hit my head on the coffee table and once again, splat on the floor.  WTF.  What is wrong with me?!  This time I was fine, it didn't warrant a trip to the hospital.  Now, I am trying to avoid walking at all costs.  I need to invest in some adult diapers, but Sherry is too embarrassed to buy them for me.

The good news is that I am 34 weeks tomorrow.  My bed rest will be changed to modified.  I am not sure this will help, but it should make me feel better.