Back in action....blogging, not moving.

So let me get you up to speed.  Caution: super long post ahead.

Let's start with where we left off.  I had my second glucose test last Thursday.  I had SO much to do before the wedding weekend and had only Thursday to do it.  I left the test at 12:30, got lunch, went to the mall to get more makeup and larger shoes to wear to the wedding (I know, every post is about shoes but I was not about to wear schlepy shoes...I got the Sam Edelman black velvet pumps with gold studs on the heel, I die.), ran to get a pedi/mani and made it to my 4:30 hair appointment just in time.  Phew.  I was exhausted.

Friday, Sherry and I tackled Canton.  Not joking.  We woke up at the butt crack and headed East.  We didn't have long because we had DryBar appts at 2:30!  We made it to our exit at about 9:30...it was like Black Friday out there.  Every bedazzled hat wearing lady was there.  We barged our way through the pavilions.  We were there for 4 hours and ended up with a few candles, kettle corn, and some Tech styrofoam cups.  Haha. Score. Made it to DryBar in plenty of time.  We actually ran to Target first.  My purchase looked like that of an old lady, Sherry's purchase looked like that of a hooker.  I bought, a Spanx bra (these girls need controlling!), calcium pills, and gel shoe inserts.  She bought, fake eyelashes, hand wipes and a black camisole.  Yes, seriously.

SO, after DryBar I came home, got ready for the rehearsal dinner and ran to get Diaz. Jon and Hutch were both in the wedding so they were already there.  Well this 45 min car ride turned into a 2 hour one.  We had super bad traffic and I had to pee.  Long story short, we made it in time and enjoyed a nice dinner. 

Saturday we went to chimy's.  It was great except for the lack of Lexus margaritas in my system.  Tech won and all was well.  I had a blow out scheduled (yes, another one, I am pampered and pregnant...its SO hard to do your hair!) so I headed there after.  This was a nightmare.  The shop was super cute and came highly recommended, the problem was I went to the wrong person.  All I wanted was a super nice blow out with some very low key waves a la Serena Van der Woodsen.  What I actually got was Miss Piggy curls.  Considering I am starting to resemble the bitch, this did not sit well.  On top of it all, I had forgotten to cancel my makeup appt (I was going to do either or) so I headed there next to avoid a charge.  By the time I got there, I had hives all the way up my legs.  Yes, my hair looked that bad.  As she started on my makeup I calmed down and started brushing out my hair.  I made it back to the hotel and drove us all to the wedding.  It ended with Whitney eating a butter ball as a bet for $4.  Yes, $4.  All she wanted was enough for a couple crunch wraps.  Successful night.

Sunday, I was anticipating getting my test results the next morning so I was super nervous, but I was also excited.  We had an ultrasound Monday am too!  We were lazy all day, didn't really do much.  That night we were laying on the couch and Jon was checking his gmail account.  An email from Walnut Hill OBGYN!  Holy shiz balls. It was my glucose results.  They had sent it on Friday.  My stomach dropped as he opened it...
It was normal!  I was normal!!  No special diet for me!  I was SO relieved....until the next morning.

Monday, our world turned upside down.  We got to our 28 week ultrasound appt at about 8:30 and they saw us right away.  This is a very routine appointment.  We were both super excited to see our little squish.  She looked perfect, all her organs were growing and functioning properly.  She is super fat (weighs 3.1 lbs already--this is the 67th weight percentile, but don't tell her, we don't a baby with a complex).  Anyway, all was well but the nurse couldn't see my cervix because it was hiding behind Sloane's big ass noggin.  The doctor came in and told me he needed to do an internal ultrasound.  Wow.  Awesome.  For those of you who don't know, this is when they have to go through the baby maker to get a better view.  TMI?  Sorry, I'm not sorry.  SO, here is where things got a little nutty.  He found that my cervix had shortened significantly...I am 70-80% effaced.  OK, sorry to any guys that read this blog.  This is where we all came from so get over yourself.  I was sent to Triage (the hospital holding room) to get observed.  They wanted to make sure I wasn't dilating or having steady contractions.  Jon seemed nervous and started frantically taking notes.  This helped my nerves actually.  It is very rare that we are nervous at the same time.  We are so different that we react to things differently.  Like, our Fight or Flight stance.  If someone who to break in to our house Jon's instinct is to get the hell out  Bust out a window, throw out Kelley and then me.  Mine is totally different.  I would grab something sharp and attempt to kick some ass.  His stance is probably the smart thing to do.  This actually reminds of a little story from college....

Jon's sister Kara was in town visiting (she was a Senior in HS).  We had taken her to a house party and actually had a really fun night, until the cops showed up.  We were all under age.  I made Kara run.  She ran down the street and in to the bushes.  My intention was to leave with Jon and go pick her up down the street.  She was in HS and had alot to lose if she was caught under age drinking (not saying she was....um).  I was not drinking because I was driving and trying to be responsible.  Jon and I walked out the front door (ballsy right?).  The cop was standing there and said he needed to see our IDs.  I gave him mine, he looked at it and handed it back.  Jon gave him his.  Except he didn't.  The dumbass gave him his fake ID....it said Scott Martinez...6'2", 21, blue eyes, not Jon.  He hands it to the cop and then says "wait, wait, sorry that isn't the right one".  Then he hands him his real one.  Big. Mistake.  Jon is then put into the patrol car.  I am FREAKING OUT and Kara is hiding in a bush down the street.  The cop walks up to me and says, I will let your "smart boyfriend" go if you get everyone out of that house and send them home.  "But officer it isn't my house!".  "GO" he says.  SHIT!  I ran inside frantically telling people to get the eff out.  I am on a rampage.  It took about 20 minutes to get everyone out.  Our friends Mitch and Stephanie were the last ones to leave and I hopped in their car until they released Jon from the cop car.  He was slightly intoxicated and came out of the car smiling.  Punk ass.  We then got in my car, Kara had called and said she got a ride with Hutch and to come get her fast!  Well we decided to run by Arby's late night first (it was like 2:30 am, sorry KP).  When we finally got to Hutch's house we both got out of the car to go get her.  Poor Kara sprinted out of the house and into my car.  There may or may not have been semi-illegal activity (activity that is only illegal in most states) taking place and it scared her.  A guy came out of the house running his mouth at Jon.  We will call him Daniel.  Daniel* was a fellow Fiji but not the closest of friends to Jon.  He was yelling at Jon saying "how could you leave your sister in a bush!?! You blah blah blah".  Calling him everything in the book.  Jon (who has never been in a fight) was startled and tried his hand at name calling.  Daniel* was not having it and started to get more aggressive.  He was about 6'3", 225ish (much larger than Jon), I had to put an end to this.  Not to mention I was NOT HAPPY about the night's events and was really NOT HAPPY about how this dude was treating my boyfriend!  Hutch came out to see what was going on as I grabbed Jon by the collar and threw him in my car with Kara.  Then Daniel* started yelling another word for "wimp" and calling me a bitch.  Something came over me (perhaps the "fight").  I walked up to Daniel* in my stilettos and said "what did you call me?".  He said "Bitch".  That was it.  I dropped my purse and curl hopped the jerk.  Right hook to the cheekbone.  He was startled.  I wiped off my hands, picked up my purse and drove off.  All Jon said was "wow, babe...your mom is going to kill you".  It was a really good feeling, but I don't recommend or condone fighting.  However, it did leave a bruise and Daniel* later apologized for the way he acted and complimented me by saying it was an extremely legit hit.  Thank you very much.

I digress.

Anyway, he looked SO cute.  I laughed and said, can I read that?  He was embarrassed and said "Shut up, this is why I made good grades". Haha.  They gave me two shots (not the good kind with alcohol, the bad kind with a needle).  One is a Progesterone shot.  I will get this every week until Sloane arrives.  It will help me from contracting and going in to labor early.  It is the most painful shot I have ever had (and will continue to get).  The other shot was a steriod shot.  Yep, both in the ass.  (I hope I don't get backne, start balding, and totally roiding out).  This is to help Sloane's lungs develop quickly so she has a better chance of breathing on her own, IF she comes early.  I get two of these within 24 hours and then I am done.  Luckily, my observation came back good.  I only had two contractions and Sloane was super active (signs of a healthy, non-distressed babe).  So they let me go.  The alternative was that I would have had to check in to the hospital right then, indefinately.  Shut up!  I got to come home and let everything set in.  OMG.

Yesterday was Day 2 of bed rest.  I had to go get my second steroid shot.  My mom came and got me and we headed to the hospital.  Luckily Nancy was there (she doesn't work Mondays).  Nancy is a veteran L&D nurse at Presby Dallas who happens to be the mother of my best friend Jenna Cuellar.  I have known Nancy since I was 5 and she has been a second mother to me.  I am SO lucky to have her there and to help take care of me and Sloane.  She ordered my meds early so I didn't have to wait (thank you VIP treatment).  This shot is super painful but again, totally worth it.  I headed home and got set up on the couch again.  Can I just say how weird it is to feel fine (except for the occaisional contraction) and not be able to really move?  Freaky. 

Today, I am just now starting to feel more empowered and not so sad.  I am super emotional anyway and this just sent me through a loop.  I have to turn the channel if a baby is on a commercial so I don't lose my marbles.  No state fair, no Tech football games, no Haunted Houses or Pumpkin patches.  My favorite time of year will be spent on the couch.  I can't move except to shower once a day and go to the bathroom.  It is taking everything I have not to google "preemies".  Leave it to me and my daughter to be difficult.  I don't like to wait 10 minutes for a table at a restaurant, so I totally know how Sloane feels.  BUT, wah wah poor me.  Who cares.  I am totally fine, and I feel totally fine.  What is important is that this little chicken stays in the oven until she is fully cooked.  I know she is being super dramatic and doesn't want a Christmas birthday, but she needs to hang in there until after Thanksgiving.  Thoughts and company are appreciated (but not the kind of company that comes over and asks how I am feeling and what they can do...I want normal company.  Like, come over and drink wine and make an ass of yourself so I can have some entertainment), Prayers are encouraged. 

Those of you who are worried about me (hypocritically) succumbing to the laziness of a "sweat pant mom" please don't worry.  I am still wearing makeup on the couch and fixing my hair (what the hell else do I have to do?).  AND, I am wearing normal clothes.  Actually heels are most comfortable when they are worn while not walking.  For real.  Pictures of my set up are to follow.  I have all my makeup and hair supplies plugged in and laid out on the coffee table so I can play beauty shop all day.  Sherry is bringing snacks today.  Luckily I just had a hair appt.  In about six weeks I am going to be begging Osgood Oneil to do a cut/color house call.  I am thinking about getting my lash extensions again (they do make house calls).  Anyone know a pedi/mani lady that will travel?

Lots of bed rest blogging to follow--
XOXO
SLP & Sloane