Ass Drink

I have officially begun my 3 hours of starvation and let me tell you, it rocks. It reminds me of my Freshman year of college actually. You know, not eating dinner and then chugging Smirnoff Ice or McCormicks and Cranberry. Except I am not drunk and I am not wearing Abercrombie jeans. I just had to drink (in less than 5 min) an entire water bottle full of this orange drink on an empty stomach. It tasted like cough syrup laced with sugar and ass. Now, I can not eat or drink anything until they take my blood once every hour for three hours.

Luckily drawing blood for me is no big deal. I had a tumor in my spleen when I was little. They had to draw my blood/give my IVs all the time. When I go to the doctor now I always tell them which arm/vein is easiest to draw from. I think they probably think I am a drug addict except I have all my teeth and zero track marks.

I have been feeling pretty good lately but not necessarily looking good. I am still waiting for that "pregnancy glow" to kick in and still having a steady case of canks. My waist is no longer and my nose is swollen (so.ugly.). Trying to find a dress for Ryan's wedding was like trying to find common sense in a room full of Jon Platts. I could have easily found one at Pea in the Pod but I really don't like maternity clothes. Like, really. I actually squeezed into this BCBG number that will be an option and I have plan B dress from Isabella Oliver. If you are pregnant and not familiar, you should get acquainted...they have cute things that don't resemble tents. Regardless, Jon is going to look hot in his tux and I am going to look like a pregnant housewife. Ew. The important thing is that all this fugliness (I just had to type that word six times thanks to autocorrect) will be worth it. I wonder if lipo or rhinoplasty patients think the same thing?

I am now waiting on my 3rd blood draw. I have reached complete and utter starvation but no one will stop and help me because I don't look like I am starving. It's freezing in here and there are pregnant bitches EVERYWHERE. I felt sorry for the girl next me who is also taking the 3hour test. Yes, because she has food in her braces and greasy hair, but also because she brought nothing to pass the time. I am here with 6 magazines, Mike Leach's book (for book club), my iPhone, iPad, and a sudoku puzzle. I am prepared. I was raised by a mother who always had scissors, band-aids, mints and a book of orthodontist school passes in her purse. Anyway, I let her look at a magazine when I first got here. She proceeded to lick her finger and flip every single page. She has now read all of them and therefore I will no longer touch them. The lab just inherited 6 really good mags and I feel a little bit like I am in the twilight zone.