Anyway, we walk in to Buy Buy Baby and over to the registry counter to get a gun...I should have asked for a fully loaded semi-automatic instead of a scanner. There was a sleep deprived new mother sitting there with her baby in a sling. She looked rough, and I started to feel bad about my sweat pant post (ok, not really). I told the lady at the counter that I needed to start a registry. The new mom looked over at me, "It goes by really fast". I said, "I know, I can't believe it." My mom, being nosy and annoying, said "How old is your little one?", the girl responded "4 weeks". I started to get depressed. This poor girl had really dirty hair, sweat pant capris and a baby sling on. Is this about to happen to me? Am I going to look the same with the addition of some gold bangles and yurman?
The registry lady then told me that I should catch up on my sleep now, because I will never sleep the same. (thanks, love the encouragement, can I switch the type of gun you are getting me?) My hilarious mom then decides to say "She (pointing to me) slept with me until she was 4". Say what? Really mom? First of all, I don't remember this, secondly, is this something we need to share with complete strangers?? The ladies both laughed and I fake smiled. She then says, "Do you watch Modern Family?" SHERRY! STOP! We are getting a scanner and moving on! No more small talk. The lady says "Yes I love that show, but I TiVo'd last night". So then Sherry says, "Oh my gosh did you see the scene where he is holding her hand while he is taking a shower?!?" MOM! The chick said she TiVo'd it...this means she has not watched the newest episode and you are ruining it for her. This would normally be awkward but I have been shopping with Sherry since I can remember. I am used to her talking to anyone who will listen. It is actually a really good quality that will help her make lots of friends when I put her in the nursing home on her 70th birthday.
So we finally are all set up and get the scanner. We start at the clothes. I am going to really try and introduce Sloane to lots of different brands. I don't want her to be a brand snob like my brothers. I am slowly getting over my own issues. I was fine and then something happened in like 6th grade. Limted too or Gap...I wouldn't wear a T-shirt unless it was my Cheerleading is Life one. When I was in 7th grade my mom bought me this really cute black jacket with a fur collar. I remember her giving it to me after school one day...my mom always had "prizes" for us which I loved. I tried it on and it fit perfectly. I asked her "Where is it from". She paused, "Um...Target actually". You would have thought that she stole it off a dead body, I flung it off faster than you can say "bye". She then, ripped out the tag and sewed on a Harold's (it used to be super cool) tag. I then wore it all the time. Pathetic, I know. I am not proud. Now, I have no problem wearing XXI, Target, and Old Navy in moderation.
Anyway, we found a few cute things and scanned away. Side note--I diagnosed Sherry with ADD years ago, but it has lately become more extreme.--She was picking up everything, touching everything, talking about everything. It was like God was preparing me for shopping with a toddler. She would say "What is this?", "How do you use this?", "Wow, if they only had this back then". In her defense she hasn't had a child in 20 years. Alot has changed. Like, we have cars now and disposable diapers.
When we got to the rattles and toys section she stopped. She just stood there looking up. There were millions, what was she to do? And then, all of a sudden she went buck. I am talking rattling anything and playing with everything. "AHH get this I want this", "Whoa, love this!". I wish Luke & Jake were there to share in my laughter.
I never want to do it again and neither of us knew what the hell we were doing, but all and all it was pretty successful. Here are a few things I took away from the experience and some advice for those of you who will be registering for a baby soon:
- Take a new mom with you to register. One that can tell you what you need and don't need.
- If you can get a hold of a pair, wear some moon shoes. You know, the ones from the 90s that bounce. They are the only things comfortable enough to walk around in circles for hours. Well, crocs would work too, but c'mon you really want to wear those in public? If you must, rub some dirt on your knees and elbows so people think you have spent the morning gardening.
- Only do it once. (I will never.Ever.Do it again.)
- Baby toys are ugly. Like, really.ugly. You just have to accept it. I had the hardest time picking things out because I would think, how is this going to look in the middle of my living room floor? Ugh, like crap! I am going to make a line of neutral colored toys. I will take Sloane to McDonald's if she needs some color stimulation. (joking, chill out).
- Register at a large chain store as well as a boutique store. I would never make my friends without children walk in to a Buy Buy Baby or Babies R Us. I want Sloane to have baby friends eventually. I think any experience in this store would prevent someone from having children. No lie.
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