No longer a cank...

For those of you who don't know, I recently quit my job.  I have been wanting to for a while, but I finally mustered up the courage.  Now I am officially a stay at home mom.  Sloane is really easy to watch at the moment.  I am nervous about what it will be like when she is living outside of my body.

So, with my free time, I decided to go boot shopping with Sherry today.  I love fall.  It is my favorite season and the clothes that come with it are to die!  My feet have grown so I must re-stock my closet with some fall kicks.  Everyday is a struggle when it comes to finding something to wear.  I am not the type of pregnant chick that wears tennis shoes and workout clothes (I don't do that when I am not pregnant) nor am I the type that wears very large "moo moos" (not Miu Miu, that, I would wear).  So, leggings and maternity jeans is what I will live in this season, along with boots to cover my canks. 

This morning I had small cankles so I decided to wear Tory Burch flats.  Big. Mistake.  My feet were shaped like ballet shoes by noon.  I had to change in to another pair I had in my car; old Steve Madden (very flat) sandals.  By the time I got to the mall my feet were buggin.  The good news and the bad news was the same: my cankles were gone. Yep, that's right, gone.  I no longer had a united/conjoined calf/ankle situation...I had something much, much worse...

PEDI-ELEPHANTIASIS

For some reason today my feet went buck.  My calves are no longer affected.  It is my ankle/foot/toes that have completely been diseased by elephantiasis.  I actually wikipedia'd it...it says it mostly affects male genitals.  Ew right?  Although I could think of worse things to happen to those parts, like shrinkage or choppage (Lorena Bobbitt, duh)?  Isn't every man's dream for enlargement?  Whatever, that is beside the point. 

So--this made for a VERY unsuccessful trip boot shopping.  I was super embarrassed when the Indian man (who always helps me) at Dillard's brought me some boots to try on...it is at this moment where I discovered my condition.  It was like putting a feather pillow in your jeans pocket.  Not. Going. To. Happen.  "I had to say OK, I will just get them".  It was awk and I am not sure he knew I was pregnant.

We went to Nordstrom thinking they would have some boot that zipped entirely up the back.  We found some.  Luckily they were on the sale rack and I didn't have to ask for someone to get me a "size 8-1/2".  Sick.  I usually wear a 7-1/2 or 8, OK mostly 8.  But, I am only 5'3" an 8-1/2 is like wearing short skis.  They were brown leather over the knee Vera Wang boots.  Super cute.  But, they were size 9.  Oh well, I thought, I will try them on and they will be roomy.  Yea. Right.  I had to hold on to my mom while I attempted to bend over (the bump situation itsn't helping the bending over situation).  Well I got them on, but I didn't have enough strength to zip the suckers up.  I stood up to catch my breath and a shoe salesman came over (I swear they are like commission vultures there).  He said "Deciding?" with a huge gay smile.  I shot him a look, and responded, "No. Sweating".  He didn't laugh.  A normal person would have 3rd party embarrasment, not Sherry...sipping her iced tea she says "So are you going to get them?".  Pffffffff.  We leave.

I did get a necklace at H&M (hint--if you pay upstairs you don't have to wait in line).  It's cute and it will always fit...